My New Friend, "BECOMING NICOLE: THE TRANSFORMATION OF AN AMERICAN FAMILY" by Amy Ellis Nutt

 

Me and My new friend, Becoming Nicole by Amy Ellis Nutt

Hello. My name is Bobby Keniston, and my only friends are books. Don't feel bad for me. I like who I am. 

Which leads me to how important my new friend, Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt can be to readers. It is a book about how we should all be free to be ourselves and to love ourselves. To know ourselves. It is also about how family are the people who should always stand behind you and fight with you to make sure you can be your true self no matter what anyone else might think. 

Let me introduce you...

HOW I MET MY NEW FRIEND

I live in the state of Maine, and knew about the court case that becomes a major element of this book. And while I have never met Nicole Maines or any member of her family, I have been a fan for quite some time. Her advocacy is inspiring, and, these days, she is probably most widely known for being the first transgender superhero on television, playing Dreamer on Supergirl. It makes me so happy for her that this has been her journey, a journey of such great success, when it wasn't all that long ago she just wanted to use the school bathroom that corresponded with who she was, and wasn't allowed to do it. 

Strangely enough, even though I am a fan of Nicole's, I never knew this book existed until recently. When I did learn about its existence, I immediately checked my local library, was excited they had a copy, and checked it out. 

ABOUT MY NEW FRIEND

Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Amy Ellis Nutt tells us the story of the Maines family, starting with married couple Wayne and Kelly who adopted identical twin boys, Jonas and Wyatt.  

A note before I continue:  Nicole was born a boy and named Wyatt. The book, telling the story from her infancy until her graduation from high school and gender affirming surgery, starts with the birth of the twins. Amy Ellis Nutt said in an interview that she discussed with Nicole extensively how to use the names and pronouns. I would NEVER misgender or use a dead name, but, according to Nutt, Nicole agreed that they should use the name Wyatt in the story up until the age of nine when Nicole started living her true self as a girl and changed her name.

From the beginning, the twins were close (as twins tend to be), but very different. Nicole states from the age of three she knew she was a girl. And as she was growing as "Wyatt", she always felt like she was girl, and was eagerly waiting for when she could be a girl. Her parents noticed it, too. Kelly encouraged her children in all things, even though Wayne wasn't sure how to deal with it (and would therefore just leave Kelly to deal with it). 

Wayne, you see, was a conservative man who grew up with certain expectations. He figured with twin boys, he would take them hunting and fishing, and have father-son bonding adventures, just as he always dreamed. When the truth about "Wyatt", became too much to ignore, Wayne knew he would have to change, too. 

In many ways, the books is just as much about Wayne's journey, and the journey of the entire family, as it is about Nicole becoming who she is. 

I think it would be difficult to read this book and not gain an incredible admiration for Kelly, who literally seems heroic in her quest to make sure her kids are safe and happy. She is a marvel throughout this book. It is nice that Wayne realizes his own hang ups often left Kelly alone to deal with things by herself, and tries later on to make up for it. 

Jonas always accepted that his identical twin was his sister and never had a problem with it. In fact, he is the one who told Wayne, "Face it, Dad. You have a son and a daughter." 

And it's true. 

People who don't understand, don't understand the science of gender or the science of sex. Nicole always knew she was a girl. When she was still barely past toddler age, she told her father that she hated her penis. If we can all just imagine for a second living in a body that doesn't reflect who we know we are inside, if we could all understand how difficult, how heart breaking it could be, maybe we could learn that acceptance and love is key here. 

(And yeah, this recent trend of comics using transgender people for punchlines are asshole bigots and don't know what they're talking about)

We not only get to see the family's growth, but how my home state of Maine treated the Maines family. Things were fine until a new student made an issue of Nicole using the girl's bathroom. The boy's grandfather used his grandson as a pawn, and threatened legal action against the school. He had the support of the Maine Christian Civic League (under the direction of the truly detestable Michael Heath- trust me, this guy is awful), and suddenly Nicole was told she couldn't use the girl's bathroom anymore but had to use a special unisex bathroom. And that's when the Maines had enough and filed a lawsuit. 

Along the way, Amy Ellis Nutt has chapters on the science of being transgender, and the book ends with pages of reading material, a glossary, and a list of resources for parents and kids. There were moments I cried (like the father-daughter dance), and, all in all, it just makes me wonder how people can let prejudice guide them. The Maines are a beautiful family. 

FINAL TAKEAWAYS

I wish everyone who needs to read this book would read this book. I know that is unlikely, but I do still think this book has made a great deal of difference, just as Nicole, and her family, continue to make a difference every day. 

With all of these anti-LGBTQIA+ legislations popping up around the country, particularly targeting transgender children, books like this are needed more than ever. And people speaking up is needed more than ever, too. To be a force of support, to let this community know that they are not alone, that they are loved, that they are complete and wonderful and beautiful. 

Read the book. It's a good friend to have. 

My New Friend, "MILL TOWN: Reckoning with What Remains" by Kerri Arsenault

 

Me and my new friend, "MILL TOWN" by Kerri Arsenault. It should be YOUR new friend, too.

Hi. My name is Bobby Keniston, and my only friends are books. You may not believe me, in which case, you have probably never met me. And if you did, you would probably say, "Yeah, books are probably your best bet." 

That's okay. 

Today I want to talk about a new friend I made, a new friend that I think is very important and one you should all make friends with, too. Not only make friends with, but talk about with other friends and your local and state representatives. 

My new friend's name is "MILL TOWN: Reckoning with What Remains" by Kerri Arsenault. My new friend is Kerri Arsenault's first book. Within the pages, she describes the many, many jobs she has undertaken over the years, but on the book jacket, it mentions how she is the book review editor for Orion magazine and a contributing editor at Lit Hub. Saying this is a stunning and accomplished debut book is an understatement.

HOW I MET MY NEW FRIEND

In the town of Dover-Foxcroft, Maine, where I live, the hometown library is called the Thompson Free. It is run by people who are constantly trying to bring events to the community. There is also a book club, and one of the selections was my new friend "MILL TOWN". I am not part of the book club (see the name of the blog or the old Groucho joke about not belonging to any club that would have me as a member), but I was interested to join in on a Zoom event with author Kerri Arsenault, as I had heard nothing but good things about the book, and I always find it interesting to hear writers talk. Especially writers who grew up in Maine. 

I had only read two chapters when I logged on to the Zoom event, but still enjoyed every moment of it, and was even able to ask her a few questions. Regardless of having had dental work that day, Ms. Arsenault was very generous with her time, very encouraging of conversation, and clearly passionate about her work, while still being easygoing. If you've got a little over an hour to spare, you can actually catch this book talk on YouTube by CLICKING HERE.

A BIT ABOUT MY NEW FRIEND

"MILL TOWN: Reckoning with What Remains" tells the personal story of Kerri Arsenault growing up in Mexico, Maine, near the paper mill in Rumford, responsible for the economic survival for the area. Unfortunately, as we should all know, economic survival and public health do not always go hand-in-hand. This area in Maine became nicknamed "Cancer Valley" by its own residents because of the truly shocking inordinate amount of certain types of cancers that claim both men and women in the region. Many seem to inherently understand that the Mill and its pollution are at the heart of this public health issue, but no conclusive evidence can be drawn. More to the fact, one wonders if even conclusive evidence could change things. The area recognizes that the smell that permeates their town is the smell of pollution, the smell of potential sickness. But they also understand that it is the smell of money. 

My new friend is part memoir, and partly a call to environmental action and discussion. As the great Jonathan Lethem blurbs on the back cover, Arsenault's "pursuit of truth is as compassionate as it is relentless."

I am not lying when I say this project is personal for Arsenault:  both her grandfather and father died like so many others do in "Cancer Valley". And one need only read the book and acknowledgements to see how many people she talked to for the book died throughout the writing or before publication. 

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY NEW FRIEND

I love that my new friend is not just a lecture. I find Arsenault's account of growing up happy in her mill town to be an interesting memoir. Her prose is exquisite, as fine as in any literary novel, which is important, I think, in nonfiction. 

What I love most is that Arsenault's scope is wide and holistic. This is not just an environmental treatise. Her discussions of the working class and the anti-union politicians who could care less about them are just as important as the dioxin levels and chlorine gassings--- because it is the anti-union politicians and the notion of profit over public health which makes such horrors possible. Kerri Arsenault knows these people, knows Maine, because she grew up here. You can't fake that, even if people do make you feel like an interloper at times after you have left. But she knows what drove Mexico to go from overwhelming support to Obama to overwhelming support for Trump, and understands it was hope for change both times, because the working class sees very little change that has an effect on their lives. 

We all have to learn, as Arsenault lays out, that environmental health is directly related to public health, sure, but also related to poverty and grossly unchecked capitalism. 

It is literally killing us. 

PERSONAL CHALLENGES FOR ME

I read through this book slowly (twice). The reason I my readings were slow is because I live with what some call Illness Anxiety, some call Health Anxiety, and yet others simply call being a Hypochondriac (exacerbated by the pandemic, but that's another story). Reading about the levels of dioxins not only in our water but in our bodies, the levels of pollution in a place called "Cancer Valley", and the fact that it can't be addressed without major economic upheaval, makes me anxious. I can't lie. This is no fault of the book, and it is important to know these things. I just have to work hard to stay out of my head. 

And I need to buy a heavy-duty water filtration system. 

PERSONALLY FUN FOR ME

While this book is not just for Maine readers, Maine readers (especially in the rural communities) will have extra insight. I was especially glad to read a brief section calling out former Congressman Bruce Poliquin's phoniness. He comes around my area to events like County Fairs, smiles his fake smile from his face that looks like Millhouse's dad from The Simpsons, then disappears. He is running for his old seat, and hope he will be thoroughly defeated again. 

Arsenault also has a section on her fight against Nestle and I remember much of that from the news. 

More personally, her brief section on Roxanne Quimby, Burt's Bees, and Quimby's National Park made me smile. I went to school Roxanne's son and daughter, Lucas and Hannah. But I first met them when Roxanne was in a community theater production of Blithe Spirit by Noel Coward with my parents, and us kids would hand around waiting for the rehearsals to be over. 

FINAL TAKEAWAYS

There are too many beautiful quotes to begin sharing here. 

I do not read a ton of nonfiction, but I loved this book because it is an important book that speaks to the working class, and to everyone who cares about public health, the environment. What the working class feels forced to submit to is not only dangerous for them, but for all of us who can't afford to live upstream of the pollution. 

Seriously:  read it. 

Thanks for checking out my thoughts on my new friend. Come back soon and you'll meet another new friend of mine, every Monday and Thursday.