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| Me and My new friend, Becoming Nicole by Amy Ellis Nutt |
Which leads me to how important my new friend, Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt can be to readers. It is a book about how we should all be free to be ourselves and to love ourselves. To know ourselves. It is also about how family are the people who should always stand behind you and fight with you to make sure you can be your true self no matter what anyone else might think.
Let me introduce you...
HOW I MET MY NEW FRIEND
I live in the state of Maine, and knew about the court case that becomes a major element of this book. And while I have never met Nicole Maines or any member of her family, I have been a fan for quite some time. Her advocacy is inspiring, and, these days, she is probably most widely known for being the first transgender superhero on television, playing Dreamer on Supergirl. It makes me so happy for her that this has been her journey, a journey of such great success, when it wasn't all that long ago she just wanted to use the school bathroom that corresponded with who she was, and wasn't allowed to do it.
Strangely enough, even though I am a fan of Nicole's, I never knew this book existed until recently. When I did learn about its existence, I immediately checked my local library, was excited they had a copy, and checked it out.
ABOUT MY NEW FRIEND
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Amy Ellis Nutt tells us the story of the Maines family, starting with married couple Wayne and Kelly who adopted identical twin boys, Jonas and Wyatt.
A note before I continue: Nicole was born a boy and named Wyatt. The book, telling the story from her infancy until her graduation from high school and gender affirming surgery, starts with the birth of the twins. Amy Ellis Nutt said in an interview that she discussed with Nicole extensively how to use the names and pronouns. I would NEVER misgender or use a dead name, but, according to Nutt, Nicole agreed that they should use the name Wyatt in the story up until the age of nine when Nicole started living her true self as a girl and changed her name.
From the beginning, the twins were close (as twins tend to be), but very different. Nicole states from the age of three she knew she was a girl. And as she was growing as "Wyatt", she always felt like she was girl, and was eagerly waiting for when she could be a girl. Her parents noticed it, too. Kelly encouraged her children in all things, even though Wayne wasn't sure how to deal with it (and would therefore just leave Kelly to deal with it).
Wayne, you see, was a conservative man who grew up with certain expectations. He figured with twin boys, he would take them hunting and fishing, and have father-son bonding adventures, just as he always dreamed. When the truth about "Wyatt", became too much to ignore, Wayne knew he would have to change, too.
In many ways, the books is just as much about Wayne's journey, and the journey of the entire family, as it is about Nicole becoming who she is.
I think it would be difficult to read this book and not gain an incredible admiration for Kelly, who literally seems heroic in her quest to make sure her kids are safe and happy. She is a marvel throughout this book. It is nice that Wayne realizes his own hang ups often left Kelly alone to deal with things by herself, and tries later on to make up for it.
Jonas always accepted that his identical twin was his sister and never had a problem with it. In fact, he is the one who told Wayne, "Face it, Dad. You have a son and a daughter."
And it's true.
People who don't understand, don't understand the science of gender or the science of sex. Nicole always knew she was a girl. When she was still barely past toddler age, she told her father that she hated her penis. If we can all just imagine for a second living in a body that doesn't reflect who we know we are inside, if we could all understand how difficult, how heart breaking it could be, maybe we could learn that acceptance and love is key here.
(And yeah, this recent trend of comics using transgender people for punchlines are asshole bigots and don't know what they're talking about)
We not only get to see the family's growth, but how my home state of Maine treated the Maines family. Things were fine until a new student made an issue of Nicole using the girl's bathroom. The boy's grandfather used his grandson as a pawn, and threatened legal action against the school. He had the support of the Maine Christian Civic League (under the direction of the truly detestable Michael Heath- trust me, this guy is awful), and suddenly Nicole was told she couldn't use the girl's bathroom anymore but had to use a special unisex bathroom. And that's when the Maines had enough and filed a lawsuit.
Along the way, Amy Ellis Nutt has chapters on the science of being transgender, and the book ends with pages of reading material, a glossary, and a list of resources for parents and kids. There were moments I cried (like the father-daughter dance), and, all in all, it just makes me wonder how people can let prejudice guide them. The Maines are a beautiful family.
FINAL TAKEAWAYS
I wish everyone who needs to read this book would read this book. I know that is unlikely, but I do still think this book has made a great deal of difference, just as Nicole, and her family, continue to make a difference every day.
With all of these anti-LGBTQIA+ legislations popping up around the country, particularly targeting transgender children, books like this are needed more than ever. And people speaking up is needed more than ever, too. To be a force of support, to let this community know that they are not alone, that they are loved, that they are complete and wonderful and beautiful.
Read the book. It's a good friend to have.
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